One Reason Why I Denied His Cheating On Me Before He Did.

Who Are You?

On a winter evening my boyfriend was invited to a party and he didn’t ask me to go with him. I thought it might be a nice evening, and I wanted to join the event. He was not extremely happy to have me with his group of male friends, but we went together.

The party was in a big villa in the countryside. People were drinking and talking in little groups, some were inside the house, others sitting outside, even if it was quite cold. I soon lost contact with my boyfriend and our friends, so I started looking around.

I can’t remember a more boring evening. I was approached by a boy who spent a long time explaining me the difference between his vision of life in black and white, and how deeply he believed in grey. I finally gathered up the courage to leave him and went outside, in the garden, with the excuse of a breath of fresh air.

In the dark, even without my glasses on, I saw two persons that were hugging each other. Just out of curiosity I walked closer. One of them was my boyfriend, I didn’t know who the girl was. They noticed me but they didn’t move; they were motionless, like statues. I guess they didn’t know what to do.

I thought “That’s how you feel when you love a person”. Standing there, I realized how deeply I was in love with him, and how final that moment was to our couple. It’s true, people get in touch with their more intense feelings only when things change.

I left the garden and went inside.

He joined me after some time. He was wearing his coat, scarf, hat and gloves. Actually it was a cold night, and I guess he spent some time outside. Yet, he told me with a desperate and innocent face, that he felt sick and he wanted to go home. He was so weak that he asked me to drive.

During the trip he didn’t say a word, and pretended to sleep. I took him home and accompanied him inside, since he said he felt he was fainting.

His successful career as an actor started that evening. He was pretending everything just to avoid facing me and my words, he was playing the victim. Coward.

The most surprising part of those days was my behavior. I saw him with the girl, and faced the reality, so I knew it was true, yet I couldn’t believe it. I denied it to myself first, I pretended it didn’t happen since I felt I was not ready to speak. Maybe I was just postponing the end of our love affair, because I knew it depended on my decision.

After days I felt I could face the subject, and he was even surprised that I mentioned that ‘old’ story. “When was that? On Saturday? And you talk about it now?”

When someone cheats on you, it’s especially hard to accept that the person you love is not the one you thought. You made a mistake: he has a dark side which you didn’t want to see, other emotions and behaviors, something concealed that was there waiting for you.

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